October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Join the movement, ‘Bullying Ends with Me.” Stomp Out Bullying and check out PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center website to learn more!
In life, there are some people who would love to tear you down and bring you to their level. These people go by various names especially by the term haters, toxic people, and nay sayers. However, the term does not matter at all. This is because hurting people hurt people and they would love to invite you to their party of misery.
When your light shines brightly, these people would like to eclipse your joy. So they may attempt to do so by making snide remarks, taking stabs at you by using humour, or make the claim that your way of being infringes upon them or their success. Stay encouraged if you are going through this or have gone through it! Know that it is not about YOU–how they treat you, interpret your behaviour, or the stories they make up about you is a reflection of what they think about themselves. Your light causes them to become fearful because they have a poverty mentality. They essentially believe that their lights will dim because yours shines. Dear haters and toxic people, may you one day realize that there is such abundance in the universe, so much so that there is more than enough to go around! We are all worthy of the best that life has to offer–the only question is who is willing to own that instead of getting caught up in comparisons and battles of will.
Take consolation in knowing that their behaviour is impersonal–and that you neither have to agree nor seek to ‘set the record straight.’ This is because their opinions and perceptions of you are “between them and their self-esteem,” a phrase often said by motivational speaker Tei Street. The best thing you can do for the haters is to continue being your wonderful and authentic self–even as their words, comments, and behaviours seek to effectively destroy your person, enjoining you to be less than you really are.
Know this, you are okay exactly as you are. If those around you seek to convince you otherwise, reevaluate who you choose to surround yourself with. Just because you get invited when misery is knocking at your door does not mean you have to open the door and accept it. You open the door by a) your own negative thoughts and patterns, b) reacting to what they say, c) accepting their skewed vision to be your reality, and d) engaging in the power struggles that their own weak egos need to engage in feel significant. Consider these powerful words by Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements: “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves…You take it personally because you agree with whatever was said” (48).
When the haters attempt to infiltrate your life, remember that you do not need to welcome them in. Be mindful of the toxic treatment, self-limiting beliefs, and hater like ways you’ve employed upon yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and continually affirm that there is a place for you and that the way you are is exactly how you need to be to do the work and fulfill the purpose that you were put on this Earth to complete. You are precious and perfect as you are, so continue treating yourself that way especially by leaving the haters to seethe all alone. In fact, use their disdain to fuel your own journey of excellence. Say thank you and remember the words of Marie Forleo, “sometimes a put-down is the best fuel to fire you up” use these put-downs to catapult you to your ‘elevator moment’ whereby you use these occurrences as catalysts to continue being the best you you can be.
- Act Like A Success, Think Like A Success by Steve Harvey *Especially Chapter 15 which features the four types of haters:
- “The I Hate Everything Hater”
- “The Drag You Down Hater”
- “The Situational Hater”
- “The Self-Hate Hater”
- Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World by Dr. Phil
- BAITERS, Haters, and Social Climbers
- Haters 101: How to Identify Them and Keep Them Off Your Road to Success | Oprah’s Lifeclass | OWN
- Got Bullies? Here’s How to Deal with Them
- 7-Time Tested Ways to Deal with Bullies
- How to Stand Up to Adult Bullies
- Workplace Bullying Institute
- Bully Free at Work
- Haters a Leading Indicator of Success
- Haterology 101: What You Should Know about Haters